How to be Rooted in Your Identity

Identity: The fact of being who a person is

Identity is one of those things that begins to develop even before we are aware of what identity is. And throughout life, our identity is largely shaped by the relationships we engage in. Our identity is that we are a child, a friend, a nephew, a student, a wife, a mother, an executive, etc. But what happens to your identity when your relationships change?

As we grow and our situations and relationships change, these changes can shake the core of our identity when our identity is wrapped in external factors. For example, if you have spent the past twenty-five years in a particular career or position at work, it is likely that at least a part of your identity is wrapped up in that position or title where you work. Often, a change in our identity can bring stress, feelings of grief, confusion, or anxiety. So, how do we make life transitions without having our identity shaken?

You have to root your identity in truths about yourself that are not tied to relationships. When your identity is tied to a relationship, your identity changes anytime that relationship is lost or has a major change. For example, maybe a truth that speaks to your identity is "I am capable." You being a capable human has nothing to do with your relationship to others. Perhaps you know the truth of your capability because you have navigated life thus far and have survived. You being capable only has to do with you. Or perhaps your identity is spoken to by the truth, "I am human." Regardless of the relationships you are a part of, you are human. And if any of your relationships should change, you will still be human. Maybe you find identity in the truth, "I always have options." The ability to choose is only reliant on you. Even if you are in a relationship with someone else (a business relationship, romantic relationship, etc.), you always have options in every situation that arises in that relationship.

When you ground your identity in truths that are not based on your relationships with others, it is much harder to have your identity shaken, and therefore, much easier to remain balanced amidst change.

With Gratitude,